I've done the Vagina Monologues for the past two years. I've only done small parts, but it’s been fun because it contributes to something I have chosen to dedicate my life to—helping women.

This year, I wasn’t chosen to be a part of the cast. To say I'm crushed would be an understatement, but I know there is no use crying over spilled milk.

Your life doesn’t always work out the way you want. Eve Ensler, the author of the Vagina Monologues, is living proof of that. She was sexually and physically abused by her father as a child. What did she do? She kept going.

The point I am making here is that we will work hard for things that don’t work out. We will dream for things that never come to fruition. We will fight battles and lose them repeatedly.

We have to keep going.

You get an “F” on a test? Keep going. You lose your job? Keep going. You have a bad break-up? Keep going. You lose a friend? Keep going. Feel like someone got what you deserved? Keep going. Got rejected from an organization? Keep going.

Life is like walking through a snowstorm. You are going to get pushed back by the wind and it will seem like you’re not going fast enough when you’re moving forward, but you have to keep going.

It’s not easy. You will be sad and bitter. I can definitely say I’ve thought about sending an angry e-mail demanding to know how someone who has been working so hard for women and knows so much about the V-DAY organization, who put on the monologues and sponsor other programs for women, can be so easily over-looked. But that wouldn’t change anything. It would probably make things worse.

Like I said, there’s no use crying over spilled milk.

Yes, I did work for two years, and spent the last year waiting to audition again, just to be disappointed, but I will keep going. I will keep devoting my life to helping women achieve their potential because I know there is something greater out there for me.

When the wind in your snowstorm pushes you back, just keep going. Keep fighting for what you want and what you dream for. At times, you will be sad. At time, you will be bitter.

Through it all you have to remember there’s something bigger out there for you. You’ll miss it if you waste your time wallowing in sadness instead of moving forward and reaching your destiny.

Out of hundreds of friends, associates and contacts, I only have six really close friends.

There used to be a lot more.

I had about nine best friends in high school and a lot more people I was close with, but I let a lot of those friendships go when I realized some of these people did not have my best interests at heart.

It was hard to let go of friendships you’ve had for years, some my whole life, but it’s worth it when I see them now. They live with their parents, work part-time and get drunk every weekend.

There’s a chance I could have been right there with them.

My aunt once told me, “Never hang out with anyone dumber than you.”

While I don’t agree with that completely, I took something from that message: don’t get close to people who aren’t going in the same direction as you are.

Don’t hang out with people who are content to sleep on their mother’s couch for the next ten years. Don’t become best friends with someone who has an extensive knowledge about every club within a 100 mile radius, but can’t tell you the capitol of Florida. Stay away from people who are best friends with Capt. Morgan, Jose Cuervo and Jack Daniels.

Friends are supposed to be there to help you reach your goals and make your life easier. They look out for you and you look out for them.

Looking out for one another doesn’t mean getting you liquor when you’re underage. Or paying your cover at Studio when they know you should be studying for finals.

We all have a path we’re taking. Make sure your friends are walking alongside you like the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion walked with Dorothy.

Don’t be best friends with the Flying Monkeys.

Dear Soledad:

Why don’t black girls like to go down as much as white, asian, bi-racial, indian or any other girls? Is it a symbol of being strong?

-Guest_282

Dear Guest_282:

I simply smirked when I read your question. In my young life, I come to realize and accept that fellatio is to Black men as love is to basketball (Allusion to the Black equivalent of The Notebook. Check). There’s no one explanation as to why Black women treat head like rain. Seeing that there isn’t one explanation, let’s look at possible explanations:

1. We’re afraid. I can confidently say that Black women were raised to be fellatio-adverse. Head was always labeled ‘nasty’, ‘demeaning’, and ‘unlady-like’  by our families and friends (Black female friends, of course). We probably go to the free clinic to get cootie shots at the thought of it.

2. You must give in order to receive. Black women don’t like to give head, but Black men don’t like to go down either! Don’t get me wrong; some Black men enjoy it greatly.  I don’t know what hang-ups Black men have with cunnilingus. All I know is both Black women and men need to get over themselves and open wide.

3. How does this affect me? I’m pretty sure Black women are realistic and rational. If we don’t gain any pleasure from giving you head, why give it? I don’t share that selfish sentiment, but a lot of Black women do. Black women need to realize that the pleasure and satisfaction you provide your man is directly proportional to the pleasure and satisfaction he give you. I do believe satisfying your man is the highest form of satisfaction. The thought of your man enjoying what you do is a turn-on in itself.

4. You’re freaking me out! Black men take head extremely seriously. I’ve dealt with men who’d play in rush hour traffic, just so he can get some head. Any Black woman who’s declined the invitation to give head from a Black man knows how distraught he’ll get. I’ve dealt with men who only need head and nothing else. The obsession with head is not sexy.

5. It’s logistics. I think if Black men and women can find some middle ground on the “disposal” of ejaculate, the apprehension may fade. I’m an advocate for swallowing; it’s simply efficient. Spitting sounds messy. I’m pretty sure the Black women you’ve encountered haven’t appeared in any of the 3203 Booty Talk videos. She probably won’t appreciate your stuff on her face, shoulder blades, lower back, chest, or butt. Expect your stuff to be guillotined if you even go the Mr. Marcus route.

6. Do you deserve it? Maybe giving head is a big deal for Black women who’d actually give head. Don’t feel a sense of entitlement just because you’re messing with her. You must earn it.

Isn’t insight refreshing? I don’t know if this is scientifically proven, but White, Latino/Hispanic, Asian women are probably more fellatio-inclined than us. They grasp the concept of submissiveness. What’s more submissive than giving head? When Black women begin to understand that submitting and letting her man be a man won’t undermine her strength and independence, there may be hope down there. You know what? Black women need to not see head as submission. If satisfying your man is submissive, you deserve to be by yourself in this life and the next. Let’s see this as empowerment. I actually advise Black women to get over themselves…

That is all,

Talia “The Soledad”